March 20th.
I flew back to my hometown. I know I shouldn’t even be here in the first place. But yet here I am.
So, why am I here?
I don’t know. I didn’t know back then. I don’t know now.
I guess I freaked out. We all did. That’s how fear gets me. I’m not handling it very well. I thought being here will make me feel better. To some extent, that is true. But on the other hand, somehow I kind of have the feeling, if I keep on running here and there, it will get to me somehow.
And yes. It eventually did.
I started my so-called 14 days self quarantine. Self-isolating myself in an apartment. The weirdest homecoming I’ve ever had. I told my family not to come and pick me up. Yes. I’m super paranoid. After all, we should be paranoid, right?
March 25th. I can’t smell a thing. They said it was one of the symptoms. Ok. Should I panic?
March 26th. Got a bunch of tests. Blood tests and x-rays. Results show that I might get the virus.
March 30th I had my first PCR test. It came back positive.
Terrified? Most definitely.
How did I get tested? Ah yes. I went by a cab. I used my mask, most definitely, trying my best not to make any conversation with the driver. I’m sitting on the edge of my seat, head tilting to the window. Trying to hold my breath. It’s stupid I know. But I tried my best not to get any droplets out. I know holding my breath won’t change a thing. I’m aware that I might kill him. Or any other people using that cab. Yes I am aware. And believe me, the guilt still creeps up to me up until this very moment.
We had quite a conversation in the cab. It’s not much of a conversation though, I tried my best not to make any responses. But I remember the cab driver telling me how this virus can easily kill. How terrifying things are. How patients will end up alone until death took them. I wish I could tell him something like dude, that could be me, that could be you, so please stop. But getting thrown out of the cab will be another issue. So I just nod along, thinking in my head how the hell did I get here.
I knew I shouldn’t even be here. I can’t quite answer why am I even here. But I was aware of the consequences.
I’m just not aware that, for me, the consequences last for 3 months. Or maybe more.
